On Appreciation

I wish I could wax poetic and write all about spending time with my girlfriend, but am being cautious. What I can say is that with every hour that passes and I get to know more about the lesbian community (full of drama!) and friends open up to me about things, I am increasingly appreciative of everything my girlfriend is and is not. I tell her often that she is everything I need and want and possesses qualities I didn't even know I'd need or want. She's just everything I prayed for and more.

In one instance, a mutual friend would endure days and weeks of silent treatment from her girlfriend. What the heck is that?! No matter whose fault it was, the basis of any relationship even those with enemies is communication because at least they know you hate them! That in my book constitutes emotional abuse. I was told all of this with some humor, but it all boiled down to the same thing, she was not being valued in that relationship and possibly not respected. I can't stand tense moments with my girlfriend, and even when I know I am not in the wrong, I go to her (email, call, or physically etc) and start making amends, or just say I'm sorry because it all feels too heavy. Even if I don't say anything, I show her like recently, I just went and held her from behind while she was doing dishes (which is my job) but she was making herself busy I guess. I have since learned after that fact that my embrace, even if quiet was just what was needed and she had a hard time resisting the urge to turn and kiss me. I didn't know that, but at least I'd let her know I wanted this to be over already. And I'm a stubborn ass at times, I admit to that. I think love is about going outside of your norm and yourself to make your partner happy and I do that with Kay on a daily. At the end of the day we never know what the next will bring and I want to make most of the time I have with her, so holding even a few hours grudge or whatever with her is definitely not worth it. Not when I just want to love on her.

I've digressed. Needless to say that emotionally abusive relationship was not healthy and is over now. It was one of those relationships that you want to advise your friend to get the hell out of, but it's so clear she's completely blind to the charms of that girl that nothing you say will matter. Not to mention you'd get your head bitten off. I have no sympathy for her really. That might be cold but ya know, the signs were clear as Windex cleaned glass.

I'm listening to Heaven, the yanous candlelight version and although it might be a cliched wedding song, I want it at my reception or something lol. I love the smallest things about her and she's really all that I want and need. We learn and grow daily and this time together solidified that. Not everything was peaches and cream, there were tense, awkward and even sad moments, but we'd talked everything through within the hour and that is what a relationship should be like I think. We both believe it's the things gone unsaid that are most deadly. But for every one of those moments there were a hundred sweet, loving and exciting moments. I wouldn't trade any moment for another because we learned, loved and grew together just as we still do.

Am I rambling? Lol. Yes, I am think I am. I really want to talk about specific moments, hmm...maybe I should do a password post or something. Probably only end up sending it to myself but at least it'd be out there, you know, out of mind and in type.

In short, I endeavor every single day to let my baby know how much I love and appreciate her and in looking around lately that appreciation has deepened and I realize how deeply blessed I am.

:-)