(Mostly about my mother)
I Wish I'd Known...
It was ok to be gay much earlier than now
My size zero was envied, instead of feeling like an awkward dork
A black family with six children well behaved children is unusual, and that was why we drew attention, not because there was something wrong with us
She wasn't supposed to be around pets, so maybe I'd have pushed her not to get them and she wouldn't have died while I was away.
The internet existed before I turned 16...I am less than 25yrs old right now.
Who he really was at the time, so I could make his life a living hell before he thought about approaching her again
It was their responsibility to take care of me, instead of feeling like a burden.
It was ok to grieve and even talk about...I was just a child.
I Wonder....
If she ever read any of my notebooks or what was on my word processor when cleaning my room...if she perhaps knew.
Where I'd be without the shelter and naivety I grew up with in the midst of what I now know to be awful circumstances
If I could have saved her had I been there
If throwing myself into endless books is what kept the world from falling on my head and crushing my heart
If that is why people tell me I am stronger than anyone they know, while having the most innocent heart they've encountered.
If everyone else knew I was truly gay but me...if that's why everyone was shocked not when I got married but a year later had a baby.
What would have happened had I continued on my path into the ministry
Saturday, January 10, 2009
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I don't know about your life other than the glimpses I get here and there from this blog but I do know that you are honest, kind and possessed of a big heart. The past cannot be changed but the past does inform our present moment and that in turn creates what's to come. You are gay, it is okay as are you. Don't forget that.
ReplyDeleteI haven't known how to respond to your kind comment...but obviously it's rude not to at all.
ReplyDeleteThank you Jonathan, so very much. I was touched. My past has indeed informed my future and I have used it to my advantage. It is good to told I'm ok being as I am, gay.
Thank you again.
You're very welcome xxx
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