Feeling Low and Religion

Today has been so awful, and I feel I'm at a low I haven't been to in a long time. I was divorced for all of two days...and went from feeling strange to feeling strangely , free and high.

And then he recanted. You see, as a Muslim he can do that. Once he simply says he divorces her, they are divorced. But she has to stay in the same house and go on as normal for three months, although not sleeping with him, and he has the right to at any time say he takes her back. And they are married again, just like that. These three months are to establish that she is not pregnant, and offer a chance for reconciliation and he still has to support her as always. He can do this three separate times until it become irrevocable unless she marries, has sex with another man and divorces that man. For The Man aka my husband, this is strike one.

And I am so tired. We have been back and forth trying to find workable solutions for several months now, only to have him change his mind again and again and again. I feel manipulated and angry and depressed. I had set my mind toward the new life I was going to begin only to have him breeze into my room at 3am and say he changed his mind.

You might ask, well can't you just divorce him that easily? The answer is no. Muslim women are not allowed to divorce their husbands. They can ask him or a muslim religious leader for a dissolution of the marriage, and can actually be turned down.If she succeeds she can be asked to pay him back whatever money he gave her as part of their marital agreement (that money is called dowry). In my case, I asked to be put through school up to a Bachelor's degree. He guaranteed me in writing that I wouldn't lose that under any circumstance because I deserve it, but at this point I simply don't trust him anymore.

Perhaps this would be a fine time to give some background on my situation. I am still having an awful day and feel I'm at a stalemate.