Moving Forward Part 3

Moving Forward 3
Lauren's Journal

She exudes this warmth and confidence that magnetizes me. Walking toward me in the museum parking lot Sadira in tow, I took in the slender lines of her petite body and the sway of her hips. As we talked I found myself opening up in ways I hadn't anticipated. She seemed genuinely interested and only after asking questions and listening intently did she talk about herself. Contrary to the rumors among other mothers at school and a bitter dad, she didn't appear to be in the closet at all as she minced no words in telling me her plans didn't include a man anymore. I admit I was taken aback and tried to keep my expression as neutral as possible but couldn't help frowning at how I'd misjudged her before I even met her. I assumed she was this hardcore lesbian because of what I'd heard about her. I know it was wrong, don't worry I'm still beating myself up about that after five months, I just hope she thought I took it all in stride because I never brought it up again.

I so did not take it in stride. She's the last thing on my mind before I fall asleep at night and I have no qualms about convincing Lian to make plans with Sadira every week so I can see her again. I find myself looking at her when she's preoccupied and nearly died when she had dinner at my house. I could hardly breathe as she briefly hugged me and thanked me for inviting them over. My heart thudded as she swayed to her car and drove away. Poor Lian had to call me back in. This is still so new to me, being attracted to another woman. I did normal college girl things like kissing another girl on a dare or dancing raucously with a girl on the dance floor. Beyond a lingering gaze or the arousal of just being in the moment I hadn't thought about it anymore. Besides Jacob and I were practically engaged already. I confess to checking out a few women, but wasn't this normal? I admit to a little tingling when viewing a hot woman, but I didn't necessarily want to sleep with her. I haven't made love to a man since Jacob died six years ago, even though I've dated a few men. The connection I was hoping for just didn't materialize. Daniela appeals to me on much more than a physical level. Or maybe I'm just so desperate... no, that's a cop out. I'm attracted to a woman and I never saw it coming.

It would be wrong to assume she'll go for me just because she's a lesbian. After all she's given no indication of anything like that. What the hell am I supposed to do now? We're taking the girls down to Universal Studios in Florida for a week. I've kept quiet for the five month's I've known her. It's going to be hard practically living with her. Can I just get a sign? Anything?

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