Self Discovery

This might be a recurring theme, self discovery. I feel like I've spent the last six years focusing on being the perfect wife and soon after both the perfect wife and mother. At points along the way, I would feel like I was losing sight of who I am, didn't even know my own likes and dislikes beyond what I felt like eating for dinner...even that wasn't always clear, mostly whatever was quickest. I remember feeling utterly lost, depressed and would sometimes stay up all night crying. My lament would be that perhaps I got married too young before I even know myself let alone trying to understand someone else. However I would bottle it up and trudge on. And I was a great wife, and conscientious mother.

I don't try so hard anymore, but maybe because it comes easier...after all I've had years of practice. In the last year or so, I've been feeling like I'm finally getting back to me and I feel freer, and more confident. I've checked myself on a lot of things I would simply compartmentalize and bury...like the fact that I became detached from The Man over a year ago. I remember the day it happened and can even visualize the shift. But I thought eh, maybe he's just been gone too much this year, and it's not like I ever loved him passionately...this is ok. But I admire and respect him for his steady faith, discipline and all around goodness to people. He taught me by example how to give. I'm grateful for that. Of course with all that has happened I've seen new sides of him and even compromises in the very principles I respected him for.

Hmm, more self discovery coming soon.