Seriously?

You find you can never truly know a person.

I have begun taking a more liberal stance on my religion, one that does not include wearing a headscarf. I decided though, that I'd most likely continue wearing a head covering of some sort, like a knit cap or crocheted cap, beret, whatever...along those lines. For my comfort.

And I found that Kay (my gf) has a major problem with this. You could have knocked me over with a feather. We were having a very casual text conversation, paraphrasing:

Kay: I just love you so much....I want you to be my life partner, I hope I am yours too.

Me: Baby you know I'd like that, as long we can continue to grow together and respect each other's differences.

Kay: Oh, like what differences? Rate us, how are we doing?

Me: We're doing fine baby, I have no complaints. Like how I want continue covering my hair even if it's just a net or cap or something...you be accepting of that. You have higher tastes than I do...so we compromise. I am not into clubbing, but would go once in a while...etc

Kay: Head wat?! Between when and when....or like forever?!

Me: (I'm still thinking it's not a big deal) Hm, prob forever and I wouldn't wear it all the time, but prob often...just a knit cap, net or something for my comfort....why do I feel you have a problem with this? ;-)

Kay: Why would you do that boo? You don't like your hair? I thought we were just going to live a normal life. What else should I know? This is not what I though of as individual differences. Wow, this is big because I love hair and I love showing off my lady.

Me: (flabbergasted, but keeping it light) If this is that big an issue, maybe you need to rethink your priorities...my comfort or you wanting to show me off. I am doing this not so much religiously as just for my personal comfort. As for thinking of you, I will still look good and fashionable, lol...maybe once you have an idea what I mean...I have no problem with what others wear, and I didn't think someone who loves me for me would.

Kay: ....what about me? Did you even take me into consideration? Or do you think just because we love each other it doesn't mean anything? I don't think you should do this. Are there more surprises?


And from here, I just remained flabbergasted at such a strong reaction. It's not like I was talking about wearing a gown and long headscarf. This is talking about wearing nice clothes, topped by a cap of some sort. I still can't understand her adversity...at all! I am so baffled. I've explained it's for my comfort level, not even religiously...and even before converting I was fairly modest anyway. I told her I respect her faith and would even, happily go to church with her and even now support her going and ask about what they talked about in church. I reminded her that I have no problem with her getting a permanent tattoo, because it's what she desires; yet, she has a problem with me wearing a removable cap.

I can't see why she's making such a big deal out of me wanting to be comfortable...simply because she wants to show me off? That is a show of shallowness I hadn't noticed or expected from her. Or maybe I overlooked it....background on that...

Over time I have noticed our tastes differ. I have no problem with this. Her dream car is a Jaguar...mine is fully loaded top of the line Honda Accord. I'd be ok staying in a decent hotel when visiting family...she'd go for the best hotel and ride in town. She talks about how she wants others to know my name, girls to be jealous of me and our relationship and to give me everything I dream of...I say what others think doesn't matter, I'm not a showy person and I just want to be with her regardless of whatever else.

I can see her good intentions, but am I looking too far on the bright side and overlooking shallowness? I like an understated class, and she likes it more obvious. The truth of the matter is that if I were into material things...my life is pretty damned good right now as it is. I live in a huge house, have a maid/cook, a driver, security guards, errand boys, and the latest SUV. I have four different cell phones and lines. My children are in a great private school and I don't want or need for a single thing. And a husband who doesn't shower me with things to make up for lack time with me....no, he actually gives his time and is a hundred percent there when he makes that time. But I don't love him.

Instead, I'd be willing to forego all that because I can't fully be myself. I can't openly show I have taken a more liberal stance on Islam, and have to cover up when going out, or even peeking outside. I choose love and autheticity.



She asked before we texted a stiff goodnight, if I were willing to let us split up over wearing a simple cap. I mean...SERIOUSLY?